pennylane: the eternal optimist

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

i give in

somebody walked into my life and he's right on time
somebody looked into my eyes and he read my mind
and it's true, i only need to tell you that it's you
you're everything i ever dreamed would come to me
somebody walked into my heart and to my surprise
somebody's tearing me apart and it feels just fine
and it's you, i've waited oh so long to say it's you
you're everything i ever dreamed
and tonight i give in to the feelings
tonight i give in to the thrill of loving you
tonight i give in to believing
i'll hear you say, you'll always stay
somebody turned my life around and i'm not the same
suddenly i don't hear a sound, only your name
and i really need you
tonight i give in to the feelings
tonight i give in to the thrill of loving you
tonight i give in to believing
we'll always stay in love this way
tonight i give in to the feelings
tonight i give in to them all to hold me
tonight i give in to believing darling
you're everything i ever dreamed would come to me
to me
somebody walked into my love

Friday, August 26, 2005

opening the dreaded x-files

"what you don't know won't kill you..."

they say communication is one of the most important factors in a relationship...and the more open you are with each other, the more you are able to understand your faults, your whims, your weaknesses. but then again, you can't help feeling a little wary when certain sensitive issues are opened up....

...like past loves, past flings, past relationships.

one shouldn't really be affected though...that's why it's called past in the first place. but one would also be hypocritical to say that there isn't that little bit of sting there...and you're torn, between wanting to find out more about it and not wanting to hear it while your right membrane works its magic, visualizing how they looked like.

this is one of those times i detest being born a woman...

i guess it's in a woman's psyche...no matter how hard she tries to convince herself that there's nothing to worry about...she still manages to come up with all sorts of ridiculous scenarios that end up not just ruining her day but driving her off the wall for the rest of the weekend.

i so need vodka right now...

Thursday, August 25, 2005

30 going on 3

i turned 30...and there's no turning back. it's not a big deal for some but for me it's quite something. not just because i have managed to stay sane for the past 30 years of my existence but because another chapter has started...a new story is about to unfold.

so what have i learned about myself & life in general while i roamed the streets of this earth the past 30 years...

  • i know what i want & i know how to get most of it, though there are times i question my motives...in the end, the objective becomes trivial when the possible results start flashing through your mind...that's when you're transported back to the time you were a terrible 3-year old --- I WANT, I WANT, I WANT!!!

  • you may be born thin, you may go through your adolescent years looking like a traumatized poster girl for anorexia (even though you're not), but when you reach your mid-20s, the weighing scale becomes one of your worst enemies & those cream puffs you always see have decided not to touch base with you anymore

  • i have been going through life thinking i have the power to change everything, particularly those that i feel strongly for...it took me more than a couple of years to realize that some things --- no matter how noble your cause may be --- just won't budge

  • most of the major decisions i have done in the past are results of emotional starvation...in time, i learned how to condition myself not to be too emotionally dependent on others; if there is one thing i have learned the hard way is that no matter how much i give, in the end i would only have my Creator & myself to run to

  • money, they say, is the root of all evil...it is also one of the reasons people go coo-coo, present company included. i never thought earning those nasty little suckers could be so freaking difficult. remember those good old days when we just ask our parents for a bit of allowance here, a little amount of shopping money there...now that i am a parent, i have gone to realize that though shopping may not be a vicious act, hearing it at 5am while you have barely gotten 2 hours of sleep can result to chaos

  • love is a decision, not some emotional state that magically creeps into your system where you wake up one day & it just happens to be there...you decide to love, it's something you control & not the other way around

  • relationships are f&*%$ng hard work; true, i did get my birthday wish (yep, i turned 30 with a boyfriend in the picture) but you know what they always say --- be careful what you wish for...