pennylane: the eternal optimist

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

paradigm shift

something snapped. i don't know what triggered it --- my whining to several people, their own analysis of my dating karma, my hypothesis with my luck with men...i don't know. but it was somewhere during my morning paperwork & my conversation with a friend that something inside me snapped. and i realized, the reason why i'm emotionally starved is because i say i am, i think i am and i even write that i am.

and i shouldn't be. and i should stop myself from saying it and stop discussing it with my friends. my gawd, i have been working on brand identity & image projection for a couple of years now, and it's disappointing that i don't practice what i preach.

starting today, i will only write about the good stuff. i will write about the positive stuff. i will write about how i want people to see me, and how i feel i should see myself. maybe putting it in writing will actually bring it to reality. i know this is supposed to be an open journal where i could write all my whims & desires & neuroses but maybe the more i acknowledge my weaknesses, the more they exist in my psyche. and the more i ignore them, the less they'll become part of me.

let this be the start of a new me. i already know i'm good, but i know i can be better.

starting today, i am what i write.


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