pennylane: the eternal optimist

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

eternal skeptic

i am not in love with leo...i am in love with love. because if i was in love with leo, i wouldn't feel elated with someone else, right?

i had lunch with my ex-colleague eric today and for some reason, while looking at him, something flickered, like those light bulbs you see in cartoon shows...i felt that zsa zsa zsu and realized --- he's not bad, he's not bad at all.

now we go to the ubiquitous universal questions --- do i really like eric? or do i just think i like him? because, lest we forget that just yesterday i said i was in love with leo...thing is, was i even in love with leo, to begin with?

where do we draw the line between being open to other options or just merely settling down? i have never given the possibility of something more with eric that much thought...well probably because it's too early to think so. but knowing me and my overanalytical streak, as early as now, i already rack my brains trying to decipher whether there is even the slightest bit of a chance...i just like thinking ahead to save myself from too much emotional investment and presumptions yet i drive myself nuts doing so.

thing is, i don't think considering eric over leo is settling down...in fact, it may even prove to be more of a practical choice...okay fine, i have been hooked on leo since i was 17 but it's been 13 years of flirtation & mind games after, so maybe its high time i give up and throw in the towel.

and why am i even mentally torturing myself over this...for all we know, eric might not even be interested in me that way...okay he calls me mrs smith but that could just be our own little flirtation game, which i hope, for my sanity's sake, does not drag on for another 13 years until i realize i have had enough.

hmmmm, so i guess we wait again and see what happens huh? do you think my birthday wish would be granted...that i have a boyfriend when i turn 30, which is like less than 2 months from now? yep, we wait and see...

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