pennylane: the eternal optimist

Monday, May 30, 2005

haunted

i had a dream about him last night...not the guy i've been dating but the last one who broke my heart. the feeling was uncanny, i never realized he still has that effect on me. i'm not mad at him, i'm actually angry at myself...not for loving him because that was by choice but for forcing myself to believe it could still work when it was already over long before it ended. it's mystical, come to think of it...you love someone, it doesn't work out...and no matter how much you hurt, you still survive.

i guess that's the complexity of the whole situation...you move on but you don't really forget.

Monday, May 23, 2005

...and i'm back in the game

i really should get a grip most of the time...with my over-analytical streak, that is. remember how a few weeks ago i was whining over this guy who i've been dating and how he apparently seemed uninterested? well, we did go out again before i left for shanghai. it was cool, he was still very sweet, but i get his message loud and clear --- no commitment. i guess that would work, this dating thing is kinda liberating for someone like me but then again, maybe it's something i need. of course i'd be hypocritical to say i wouldn't want some sort of commitment but it isn't something i need right now, particularly after that traumatic long distance relationship i just had...real romance and commitment could wait...let me just savor the little things...the hand-holding, the short walks, the movies & dinner...let me just enjoy this thing called dating...and maybe discover some things about me in the process.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

a new chapter

saw a movie with an old acquaintance a couple of days ago. i never really thought it was a date until he held my hand inside the movie theatre. he was very sweet, and it dawned on me that i haven't held hands with anyone in ages. after the movie, we had a short walk where he still held my hand...and it felt quite nice.

we decided to have a round of drinks before retiring for the night. he still held my hand while we talked and when he kissed me, i felt myself melt...and yes, it felt quite nice.