pennylane: the eternal optimist

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

the art of war...or of compromise???

hmm, a new relationship...a new start, a new beginning, a new experience...the joy of discovering that person...what he likes, what he doesnt like...its all very exciting, very interesting...to be part of something new...

but then again, its also quite complicated...particularly when you start realizing that not everything is what you expected it to be...and you come across another reality check...there is no such thing as a fairy-tale romance...

i guess one of the things that infuriates me when i get into a relationship is my female psyche...you know, when my estrogen level peaks up...when my hormones start acting up...when my right brain hemisphere overpowers my left...when i overnanalyze and try to understand that one thing that is alien to most, if not all, women --- MEN.

he was consistent for a time, predictable if i have to blatantly define it...and that was okay with me...i was secure in a sense, since his consistency was soothing, reassuring...it made me feel that thnigs are going smoothly, despite the thousand miles, despite the time zones that keep us apart...and he knows how much it matters to me...how important his consistency is...that at this time, it seems to be the only way holding us together...

then he backs off...for no reason, he just stops being consistent...i've heard that guys are like that...they need to unwind once in awhile and detach themselves from the things (and people) around them...and from what i have learned about him so far, he values his solitude a lot...and when something seems to bother him, he would rather stay away and envelop himself in his own little world...i remember he would always tell me to let him be...

then that's when the female psyche acts up...i worry, worry that maybe there's something wrong...that something just doesn't feel right...but true relationships are about trust, about compromise...and a long distance relationship needs more trust than anything else...

i respect his solitude...and i try to understand his quirks...that's what real love is all about, right? that's the definition of unconditional love...i should know, i used to be a big advocate of it...

hmm, i guess maybe i still am...i could be wrong, maybe some things can actually end up happily-ever-after...

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

hypothetical

"you got to be fair to her...she loves you...if you don't love her, you've got to tell her..."
- rod tidwell, jerry maguire


secret garden by bruce springsteen

she'll let you in her house
if you come knockin' late at night
she'll let you in her mouth
if the words you say are right

if you pay the price
she'll let you deep inside
but there's a secret garden she hides

she'll let you in her car
to go drivin' round
she'll let you into the parts of herself
that'll bring you down

she'll let you in her heart
if you got a hammer and a vise
but into her secret garden, don't think twice

you've gone a million miles
how far'd you get
to that place where you can't remember
and you can't forget

she'll lead you down a path
there'll be tenderness in the air
she'll let you come just far enough
so you know she's really there

she'll look at you and smile
and her eyes will say
she's got a secret garden
where everything you want
where everything you need
will always stay
a million miles away

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

quarter life crisis

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"
by Green Day

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone, I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone, I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...