pennylane: the eternal optimist

Monday, January 31, 2005

an ode to my family

"Family quarrels are bitter things. They don't go according to any rules. They're not like aches or wounds; they're more like splits in the skin that won't heal because there's not enough material."-- F. Scott Fitzgerald

they say that the people closest to your heart are those that affect you the most...the ones that give you the greatest joy and create the deepest is within their presence that you feel the most loved...and within their wrath that you experience anguish...

ever since i reached that age where i am old enough to understand yet not that old to decide, i have always been aware of what my family situation is...we may not be your traditional, wholesome, cookie-cutter clan (heck, some may say we're pretty dysfunctional at times) but we try to keep ourselves grounded...we're a small unit and we try to balance each other out...

i guess i have always been the stronger one in the family...the more ideal member, if i have to use lables then...the responsible one, the one who got good grades, the one who always (tries to) follow the rules...i've basically lived most of my life trying to win everyone in the family's attention, following everyone else's instructions, meeting their expectations and doing my best not to let anyone of them down...

maybe it's because they have been so used to me being like this that whenever i do something wrong, no one seems to accept...or understand...everyone else can complain, everyone else can break down...but not me, i'm the level headed one...i'm broadminded and that means i should let everyone else do their thing, understand their sentiments and accept their idiosyncracies...

and as the eldest, there is a certain level of responsibility attached to it...which at most times i understand and appreciate...but there are instances wherein i envy my siblings, my brother...that i crave for that kind of attention once inawhile...where they don't expect too much from you and appreciate all that you do, even the simplest ones...where they understand your whims and tolerate you whining...where they spoil you and turn to mush...

i love my family and i will do what i can to make sure that their lives are comfortable...and one of these days, they'll see me for what and who i am...someone with her own sentiments, someone with her own idiosyncracies...someone just like them...

"Do it no matter what. If you believe in it, it is something very honorable. If somebody around you or your family does not understand it, then that's their problem. But if you do have a passion, an honest passion, just do it . . ."-- Mario Andretti

Monday, January 24, 2005

long time coming

what i feel right now...

long time coming by oliver james

everybody wants to be loved, every once in a while
we all need someone to hold onto, just like a helpless child
can you whisper in my ear
let me know it's alright

it's been a long time coming, down this road
and now i know
what i've been waitin' for

and like a lonely highway, i'm tryin' to get home
love's been a long time coming

you can love for a lifetime, you can love for a day
you can think you've got everything, but everything is nothing
when you throw it away
then you look in my eyes and i have it all once again

it's been a long time coming, down this road
and now I know
what I've been waitin' for

just like a lonely highway, i'm tryin' to get home
love's been a long time coming

didn't know i was lost til you found me
didn't know i was blind but now i see

can you whisper in my ear
let me know it's alright

it's been a long time coming, down this road
and now I know
what I've been searchin' for

been a long long highway and now I see
love's been a long time, been a long time
love's been a long time coming...

Thursday, January 06, 2005

xin nian kuai le

welcome 2005...out with the old, in with the new...

the holiday season seemed to have just flashed by, without so much as a glance...suddenly, it's the start of another year...

and like the proverbial christmas wish list, we once again jot down our list of resolutions to further improve our sense of self-worth as we leave the year that was...

actually, i haven't done a list of resolutions for quite some time now so this is going to be fun...suffice to say, i am hitting two lists with one stone --- new year's resolution list and my legendary things-i-have-to-do-before-i-turn-30, here goes...

#1: enrich my spiritual objective

i am off to a good start, been attending almost 3 days a week and not forcibly, if i may add...the feeling of spiritual fulfillment is slowly sinking in as I realize that this is what i should've done early on in life...but of course, it's never too late and i'm glad that i have found a way to embrace my spirituality...

#2: drink less

this should have been to quit smoking and drinking but since i have been nicotine-free for 3 whole months now (not a single friggin' puff), i figured i can afford to be lenient with the alcohol counsumption, hehehe...of course, i still stand firm on my "no tequila" mantra..oh and let me add red horse to that "not-to-be-consumed-beverages-to-keep-my-sanity" list, don't ask why, long story...

#3: save more

that means ensure a sufficient amount of moolah in my bank account, and not just enough to sustain me until the next payday comes around...this is closely related to resolution number 2, less alcohol intake is equivalent to less social nights which is equivalent to less expenses...

#4: drive...really

this is actually a resolution comprised of several little resolutions, so where should i start?
first, get a license.
second, improve my quasi-driving skills.
third, get my car fixed (or get someone whacko enough to buy it, whichever comes first).

it's not that i need a car during the week, since i appreciate the 20-minute trip-slash-catnap while going to's just that my extra-curricular activities (read: stage mother & businesswoman) sometimes suffer due to vehicle restrictions thus i have to brave the streets of the metropolis, whether i like it or not...

#5: work it like jennifer garner

yeah right. okay okay, let's just make this simple...the operative word is exercise. i should stop feeling like bridget jones and start thinking like sydney bristow...minus the spy persona. my attempts to show off those supposedly fab abs always take a nose dive due to obvious reasons...fab abs are hot, flab abs are not...three months to go before the summer season kicks in, my aren't we in for one helluva workout huh?

#6: learn something new

it's a toss up between a musical skill (the piano, drums or voice), a foreign language (chinese, japanese, spanish or french), or a physical adrenaline rush (wall climbing, yoga or kickboxing)...i figured i'm not getting any younger and since both my brain and my limbs are starting to show signs of senescence, it's not only important to look young but to feel and think young as well...and as they say, it's never too late to learn...

#7: start my own lonely planet

whether it be within the confines of my homeland or to an exotic faraway location like timbuktu...the beauty of the world is calling out to me...i shall see the world and take in the wonder and the exquisiteness of what else is out there...i want to, i need to, i have to...

#8: find thy passion

don't get me wrong, i'm okay with where i stand career-wise but that's the catch phrase --- i'm okay, that's it. and i'm beginning to realize that i want to be more than okay, i want to be ecstatic, excited, passionate...when i started working 8 years ago, i made a mental list of the 5 things to consider as i start my corporate existence...
(1) work for a multinational company
(2) hold a marketing / corp comm position
(3) work for the movie/music industry
(4) head a department
(5) work outside the country
i've managed to do 3 out of 5, that ain't too bad right? still, there's something missing and that's probably the last 2 i haven't achieved just yet...probably where the passion i'm looking for could be found...

#9: amend and enhance thy status

think straight, take control, speed up conjugal dissolution.

#10: heureuse inspiration

think happy thoughts...let's just say this is some sort of a mantra i have with that special keep both our sanity in check, to fight the loneliness, to sustain a long distance relationship...happy thoughts to keep us going as we look forward to the promise of better things to come..until eventually things fall into place...