pennylane: the eternal optimist

Thursday, October 21, 2004

mission statement

the past couple of days i have not been getting any decent sleep, and for some uncanny reason, i would watch jerry maguire over and over again until i manage to fall asleep...i have been doing this for a number of days now and have in fact, subconsciously memorized the movie lines.

this morning, on my way to work, i realized as well that the movie depicts quite a number of aspects of my life...and i'm not just talking about dorothy boyd, i'm pertaining to mr. maguire himself.

"it's like i keep talking and talking and talking...but no one seems to listen" - jerry maguire

true, with the problems i have been going through lately, it seems like i have been shouting myself hoarse but they're not hearing me...or they refuse to listen. i mean, don't get me wrong, i love my family to bits...it's just that they don't seem to think i get weak, it's like the only thing they can see is me --- strong-willed, tough, heart-of-stone, unwavered me. i do get weak, you know...i do break down and in this case, i'm starting to get tired of being the one who has to give in to everyone else's idiosyncracies because in case no one noticed, i also have my own.

"single moms don't date, they've been through that already..." - rod tidwell

yep, single moms don't date...i guess we'd rather refer to it as something else, friendly encounters maybe, or socializing, or just going out there and meeting new people, widening our network, but not dating. dating, for single moms, is too retro...come on, we've been through that whole men are from mars/women are from venus thing, and whether we want to go and plunge into another emotional roller coaster or not, what we are sure of is that we would rather spend time with the people closest to us than waste our time with pointless mind games with the opposite sex.

"i'm the oldest 26-year old in the world..." - dorothy boyd

i don't really feel like the oldest 29-year old in the world but...oh what the heck, i do sometimes. it's difficult and i'm beginning to feel the full impact of it, raising my daughter and raising myself. i'm both mom and friend to my kid, fun yet firm, strict but soft, disciplinarian and playmate. it's a complicated balance of personalities, and it creates a conflict when i question my decisions about my daughter when i don't even know what to do with me. wow.

"i'm 35 and i just started my life..." - jerry maguire
"but mostly, i just want to be inspired" - dorothy boyd

i hope that i get to say this line in the near future --- i'm 30 and i just started my life...this is what i have always dreamed about, to have total uninhibited passion over something, to know exactly what i want, to feel completely inspired.

"you complete me" - jerry maguire

need i say more?